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Signs of Sexual Addiction

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Signs of Sexual Addiction (Based upon Patrick Carnes work)

1. Loss of Control

• Out of control sexual behavior predominates

• The addict cannot control the extent, duration and regularity of his/her

sexual behavior

• Behavior excesses continue despite clear signs of danger (consequences)

– Compulsive masturbation

– Compulsive pornography use

– Chronic affairs

– Exhibitionism: intrusive “flaunting/showing”

– Dangerous sexual practices, i.e., asphyxiation

– Prostitution

– Anonymous sex (at porn shops, bars, etc.)

– Voyeurism: intrusive “watching”

2. Continuation Despite Consequences

• Social Consequences

– Loss of marriage/primary relationship, friendships and social networks

– Problematic relationships with spouse, family and/or significant others

• Emotional Consequences

– Depression, anxiety, fear, etc.

– Suicidal thoughts, plans and/or attempts (70% have thought about it)

• Physical Consequences

– Injury due to frequency and type of behaviors

– Sexually-transmitted diseases

– Unwanted pregnancies or abortions

– Sleep disturbances

• Legal Consequences

– Arrests for sexual crimes (voyeurism, lewd conduct, etc.),

– Loss of job, licensure, and/or professional status

– Sexual harassment charges

– Fines, legal fees, probation, or incarceration

– Being on the Sexual Offender Database

• Financial Consequences

– Costs of pornography, prostitutes, and phone sex can cause financial hardships

– Loss of productivity, creativity and/or employment

– Loss of career opportunities

– Bankruptcy

3. Efforts to Stop

• Repeated specific attempts to the behavior, which fail

• Even after multiple life changing consequences, the sex addict cannot stop

– Leads to further frustration, anger, shame and depression (fueling further

episodes of addictive behavior)

4. Loss of Time

• Significant amounts of time lost doing and/or recovering from the behavior

5. Inability to Fulfill Obligations

• The behavior interferes with work, school, family, and friends

• High-risk behavior is continued despite responsibilities and expectations

• A pattern of broken promises and failures

6. Ongoing Desire or Effort to Limit Sexual Behavior

• Repeated but futile attempts to change, limit or stop addictive behavior

• Breaking promises to change, limit or stop behavior

• Cross Addictions: substituting or transferring another addiction to help stop

or control the sexual cravings

– Workaholism

– Overeating

– Alcohol abuse

– Illegal and prescribed drug abuse

– Compulsive gambling

– Religious Addiction

– Romance addiction

7. Preoccupation (Obsession about or because of behavior)

• Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy

• Elevated levels of arousal are used to cover up feelings

• Sex becomes a primary drug to numb, “medicate” and/or regulate emotions

• Sex is used to block out painful and unpleasant memories

• Euphoric Recall or “Sex in the head” maintains the fix whenever needed

– Secretive mental images of past sexual acting out, which is used to sexually

act out again

– Its like having a personal collection of pornography to be used at any time

8. Escalation

• Amounts of behavior increase because the current levels no longer satiate

cravings

– Higher “dosages” are needed to get the same feeling/excitement.

– Can cause self injury

• Masturbation to the point of injury

• Asphyxiation

– Increased levels create victims

9. Severe mood changes around sexual activity

• Depression, anxiety, anger, and other mood/affective states can result from

repeated failures to stop or control the addictive behavior

• 70% described chronic feelings of depression

– Other chronic mood or affective states include:

• Anxiety

• Guilt and shame

• Anger at self and others

• Hopelessness and despair (monitor suicidal ideations)

– Mood changes may be “medicated” (hidden) through the use of other drugs or m

medications

10. Compulsive Behavior

• Sexual behavior that you want to stop but you can’t

• A pattern of out of control behavior over time

• Sex becomes the organizing principal of daily life

• Everything revolves around it

– On sexual obsessions and fantasizing

– On planning next event

– On sexual acting out (some spend 8 hours a night on the internet)

– On covering up or making up for lost time

– Addressing consequences of sexual behavior

11. Losses

• Losing, limiting, or sacrificing valued parts of life

– Hobbies, family relationships, and work

– Loss of important personal, social, occupational or recreational activities

– Loss of friends and family (loss of relationships)

– Loss of long-term relationships

– Loss of talents, goals, and personal and professional aspirations

12. Withdrawal

• Stopping behavior causes considerable distress, anxiety, irritability, or

physical discomfort.

• Usually lasts for about 14 days, but can be as long as 10 weeks

– Insomnia

– Headaches and/or body aches

– High or low sexual arousal and/or genital sensitivity

– Increased appetite for food

– Chills, sweats, shakes and/or nausea

– Rapid heartbeat and/or shortness of breath

– Intrusive dreams

– High level of anxiety and irritability

– Emotional lability (roller coaster feelings)

• Some sex addicts with a chemical dependency report that withdrawals are worse

for sex addiction than for drug/alcohol addictions